updated tool list
BajaEdition
Resident 'Old' Jeep Shaman
- Posts
- 5,488
- Thanks
- 5
- Location
- Riverside Ca
- Vehicle(s)
- 67 cj5,225 Dauntless, D30,chrome molies, detroit, D44, full floating detroit, custom steering, disc all the way around,2 inch lift on 31s, armored up
70 cj6 4 inch lift
DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar
stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings
your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which
you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the
workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and
hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to
say, "Oh,
!"
SKILL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of
blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up
jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle ...
It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion,
and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal
your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing
else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to
the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop
on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which
you want to remove a bearing race.
TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles
for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK :
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your
new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good
aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after
you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to
disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style
paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as
the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted
screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.
PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed
to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER:
A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a
kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object we
are trying to hit.
UTILITY KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to
your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records,
liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic
parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
Son of a bitch TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling, "Son of
a bitch" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
THESE REALLY WORK!! I checked this out on Snopes and it's for real!
1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold
the vegetables while you chop.
2. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
3. For high blood pressure sufferers ~ simply cut yourself and bleed for a few
minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.
4.[FONT="] [/FONT]A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling
over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you'll be afraid to cough.
6. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and
should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
7. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.
DAILY THOUGHT:
Some people are like slinkies - not really good for anything but they bring a smile
to your face when pushed down the stairs.
I learn from my mistakes. I will learn a lot today.
Hope you are having a GREAT day
Jim
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar
stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings
your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which
you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the
workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and
hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to
say, "Oh,
!"SKILL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of
blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up
jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle ...
It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion,
and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal
your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing
else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to
the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop
on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which
you want to remove a bearing race.
TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles
for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK :
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your
new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good
aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after
you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to
disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style
paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as
the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted
screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.
PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed
to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER:
A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a
kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object we
are trying to hit.
UTILITY KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to
your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records,
liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic
parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
Son of a bitch TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling, "Son of
a bitch" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
THESE REALLY WORK!! I checked this out on Snopes and it's for real!
1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold
the vegetables while you chop.
2. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
3. For high blood pressure sufferers ~ simply cut yourself and bleed for a few
minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.
4.[FONT="] [/FONT]A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling
over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you'll be afraid to cough.
6. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and
should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
7. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.
DAILY THOUGHT:
Some people are like slinkies - not really good for anything but they bring a smile
to your face when pushed down the stairs.
I learn from my mistakes. I will learn a lot today.
Hope you are having a GREAT day
Jim
